Advantages and Disadvantages of Gentle Parenting

It takes trial and error and a lot of crying on both sides to figure out a gentle parenting style that works with you, not for you. 

And any seasoned parent would tell you that the secret to parenting your kids is not limited to just one style of parenting. Then what is this new phenomenon of gentle parenting that's becoming increasingly apparent for popular websites to write opinion pieces on?

This article focuses on the advantages and disadvantages of Gentle Parenting and how to slowly incorporate it into your parenting style without compromising on your own beliefs. 

Also, read about how to set better boundaries for your mental health here.

Introduction to parenting styles and Gentle parenting

VeryWellMind describes Parenting styles as: "Constructs used to describe the different strategies parents tend to utilize when raising children. These styles encompass parents' behaviours and attitudes and the emotional environment in which they raise their children. 

As many other articles suggest and child psychologists back up, Parenting approaches play an important role in child development from a very young age.

From the development of the child's self-esteem to their learning styles in academic spaces, approaches to parenting and family dynamics are key factors in a child's healthy growth and influence over their life. These approaches also vary across households, like single-mother parenting, co-parenting, and blended family dynamics, all of which shape how parenting is experienced.

There are four main parenting styles that every parenting blog and paediatric psychologist speaks about. These are Authoritarian, Authoritative, permissive, and neglectful. 

Now, these parenting styles are not used consistently by parents and differ according to the situation that a parent finds their child in, and that they have to navigate through together. Some families even incorporate elements from newer models, such as soft parenting, Tiger Parenting, or mindful parenting, depending on cultural or personal values.

As Hannah L. Mulholland, a Mayo Clinic paediatric social worker, states perfectly: "Parents are often afraid to set limits with their children in the fear of being disliked, she reiterates in an article. It is okay for children to dislike or even be mad at their parents for setting limits because parents are the only ones who are going to love you, despite this, and not desert you."  This essentially defines what respectful parenting is.

Parenting guidelines are not benchmarks to what 'perfect parenting' should look like, but instead, should be tweaked according to the person and their diverse background. 

The role of the parent is to provide age-appropriate responsibilities to the child and make them aware of the natural consequences of not following through on these responsibilities. This allows them to think independently and solve problems on their own, which is ultimately the goal of any positive discipline model or parenting approach. 

Gentle Parenting, on the other hand, stems from the key principles of authoritative parenting, which emphasizes open communication and adapting rules according to the child's needs. Unlike other authoritative forms of parenting, like shouting, punishment, or coercive control, gentle parenting builds on understanding and respects the emotional environment shaped by family dynamics.

We will be further dissecting Gentle Parenting in the upcoming sections.

Also, read about how childhood trauma can affect adult relationships here.

What is Gentle Parenting, and what are the core principles?

In an interview for Health Day, Psychologist and Parenting expert Sarah Ockwell Smith speaks about her book "The Gentle Parenting Book", which has been credited as an introductory resource for the gentle parenting style and its impact on family dynamics. 

She explains in the interview that "Gentle parenting is rooted in deep respect for children". Ockwell goes on to say that since the key principle is to focus on building a connection with your children and holding space for them to be upset, it reinforces their needs with empathy, which then helps set up age-appropriate boundaries and limits.

A principle that is similar in its approach to authoritative parenting and respectful parenting.

Waterford.org lists four core elements of Gentle Parenting:

• Understanding your child
• Showing them empathy
• Establishing mutual respect
• Creating kind yet firm boundaries

Ockwell also stresses the importance of understanding what children are capable of at different stages, which helps to set age-appropriate expectations of their behaviour. This then helps to discipline them in a way that benefits both parties and does not hinder growth. 

Waterford.org suggests several helpful methods to implement aspects of gentle parenting in your parenting style:

• Provide unconditional love that isn't just based on accomplishments
• Create a shame-free learning-centred environment that teaches children that mistakes are just opportunities to grow
• Remain positive through the hardships
• Create goals that match your child's abilities
• Foster playtime, which helps children learn to solve problems and regulate their emotions
• Encourage children to take on their challenges and problem-solve independently.

These easy-to-implement parenting techniques can also be effective in co-parenting or in households with single-mother parenting, where emotional attunement and structure are critical. Strong family dynamics often emerge from the ability to implement such strategies consistently.

Ockwell, as well as many other child psychologists, emphasize that gentle parenting is not just a new-age parenting style but a parenting approach that benefits both parent and child due to its focus on providing unconditional support and fostering connection.

Gentle parenting then offers a middle ground, encouraging shouting-free discipline while still maintaining firm parenting guidelines and adapting to the specific needs of your family dynamics.

Also, read about how to have better self-compassion for yourself, which in turn benefits you greatly here.

Advantages of Gentle Parenting:

In an article by the Cleveland Clinic, the advantages and disadvantages of Gentle Parenting are mentioned among other research. Some of these points will be explained in the following section: 

 I. Gentle parenting is a great tool to teach children Empathy.

 In gentle parenting, parents emphasize the direct impact that their child's actions have on their feelings. This teaches children that their actions have natural consequences that they have to be able to deal with. Similar to other parenting approaches that stress the importance of impact, the main focus in gentle parenting is the 'feeling'.

As a child is learning how they make their parent feel with their actions, they are also observing how the parent responds to them. Similar in approach to respectful and mindful parenting techniques.

 An example of such a moment would be: If your child is misbehaving in the morning before school, thus making you late for work, a parent could level with them and explain the situation to them. This allows for a moment of mutual respect to develop, while the parent also explains the consequences of the child's actions.

This response aligns with positive discipline practices and supports healthier family dynamics. Gentle parenting allows children to learn when there are going to be good and bad consequences for their actions.

Children learn a lot of their behaviour from their parents, which shapes their future adult life. If a child witnesses a parent shouting or being violent during stressful situations, then they also imitate this behaviour later in their lives because they learn early on that this is the only possible reaction to have. 

In homes that follow authoritative parenting, parenting guidelines are often set with both warmth and structure in mind, much like in gentle parenting, but with clearer limits.

This can be particularly challenging in single-mother parenting or co-parenting situations where consistency in emotional response and discipline is crucial for maintaining stable family dynamics.

Not all hurdles in life are easier solved when spoken out loud; some just need to be written about over and over. Read about the benefits of journaling here. 

II. Gentle Parenting as a motivational tool 

Gentle parenting is able to shift a parent's perspective from correcting 'bad' behaviour to working on the challenge as a temporary problem that can be solved by brainstorming strategies, as supported by experts in mindful parenting and respectful parenting. 

This allows the parent to be present for the child's feelings and be able to give them space to fully feel through them, following parenting guidelines that promote understanding, before working on solutions to a problem that no longer sounds difficult.

Over time, this strengthens family dynamics by creating emotionally safe environments.

Disadvantages of Gentle Parenting: 

Gentle Parenting may sound ideal, but it’s not always easy, especially for single parents or in co-parenting setups. Without clear limits or parenting guidelines, even the most well-meaning approach can feel exhausting. In this next section, we will be listing the disadvantages of gentle parenting: 

I. Gentle Parenting is time-consuming.

Every parenting style has its pros and cons, but the cons of Gentle parenting is that this approach requires patience and consistency. 

Essentially, the Gentle parenting style requires two things from its application:

The child needs to be self-aware enough to be able to process their own emotions and behaviour. A skill that is often used in other parenting approaches, like positive discipline and mindful parenting. The parent needs to be able to be present for their child to understand them and better get to know them.

Another core principle is respectful parenting, and many other modern parenting approaches. 

This might prove difficult for households with single parents or co-parenting situations wherein one or both parents are not available to their children for most of the day. These family dynamics can impact the consistency needed for soft parenting, and some parents, out of sheer frustration, turn to authoritative parenting, also known as tiger parenting.This allows them to set clearer limits and impose rigid natural consequences. 

In the end, as many experts suggest, the absence of consistent parenting guidelines could lead to emotionally unstable households wherein a child is unable to emotionally regulate themselves. The quality of family dynamics is often what determines whether gentle parenting can be realistically maintained.

II. It is a process of unlearning previous behaviours and implementing healthier ones. 

A large part of implementing gentle parenting into your usual parenting approach is unlearning previous unsuitable techniques. Parents need to learn their children's triggers, which take time and energy to go through the motions with their child and not react. 

Their triggers also speak volumes about a parent's triggers. Thus, it is a constant cycle of learning from mistakes and unlearning the behaviours that acted as 'bribes' to get out of stressful situations. 

Another challenge that most parents face is overcoming the parenting approaches that they were raised with, and not mirroring them in future stressful situations. 

Here, recognising the parts of your own parents' approaches that worked and did not work while implementing your own is the best way to go.

Breaking away from rigid structures also allows for healthier boundaries to be established. This is especially important in diverse family dynamics, such as co-parenting or single-mother parenting, where consistency and empathy play a critical role.

This shift towards a more understanding and empathetic approach avoids unnecessary shouting and supports setting age-appropriate limits within a soft parenting framework.

Read about 10-minute meditation exercises for stress relief here. 

Common Misconceptions:

I. Myth: A Gentle Parent is a pushover parent 

One of the biggest fears that parents have when it comes to implementing gentle parenting techniques is that they will be viewed as less of a parent figure and more as a friend.  This idea comes from the belief that establishing mutual respect between parent and child, or empathizing with them too much, would lead to the child taking their parent for granted.

This is a common case in households with single parents or complex family dynamics. 

Essentially, when the parent responds to a challenging situation for a child with fear that also passes onto them and carries on well into adult life situations, instead, if a parent can respond with empathy and try to understand the child's feelings then the child also feels heard, which helps to further their bond. 

II.  Myth: Gentle Parenting does not include discipline

 Another common myth is that gentle parenting and discipline are at different ends of the spectrum. This comes from the societal belief that gentle parenting can only be implemented by reinforcing positive comments or empathizing.

But discipline is not a very far concept from a gentle parenting approach. There are many ways to teach children, but that does not include shaming them for making mistakes or correcting them by shouting. Positive discipline, which includes using natural consequences, is often recommended by experts as a healthy and constructive way of guiding behaviour.

Learning can and should be an activity that children learn to enjoy from a younger age. This then benefits them in their later young adult years in academic spaces.

Conclusion: 

Gentle parenting is not just a new-age parenting approach that the newer generation parents insist on, but an old parenting approach that arises from older parenting styles such as respectful parenting and authoritative parenting. It is, however, not without its complexities. 

Rooted in empathy, respect, and emotional attunement, it encourages long-term emotional growth rather than short-term obedience. Yet, like any parenting approach, it comes with challenges, especially in households with limited time, inconsistent support systems, or high emotional stress.

This approach requires not only patience but a deep commitment to self-reflection and unlearning. While this can be transformative, it's not always practical or sustainable for every family dynamic, particularly for single-mother parenting situations or those navigating co-parenting while trying to implement mindful parenting and respectful parenting strategies.

Ultimately, no parenting model exists in isolation. The most effective path often lies in a hybrid approach, one that borrows the empathy of gentle parenting, the structure of authoritative parenting, and the adaptability needed to meet the unique needs of each child and family dynamic.

Many experts suggest blending positive discipline, establishing firm limits, and reinforcing behaviours through natural consequences rather than shouting or punishment. What matters most is not adhering to a specific label, but rather the willingness to grow with your child while remaining grounded in care, consistency, and compassion, all while staying attuned to your family dynamics. 

Follow the GoZuni space for more research-backed articles!